Over these past few weeks as I have tried to navigate through the land of motherhood, I have come to realize that mom is so much more than a noun. Mom is no longer just a person, place, or thing. I am no longer just a person, I am a mom to the most wonderful baby boy. To him I am everything (and of course his daddy too). I am his comfort, his shelter, his nourishment, his world. With that said, I feel that mom should be more than a noun, it is also a verb. It is the thousands of things that you do and think. Yes we start mommying as soon as we find out we're pregnant. The incessant thoughts of will I be a good mother? To co-sleep or not? The questions are endless. Mommying are those moments of just giving in to cold coffee because for one you don't want to reheat one more time and also the microwave might just wake that sleeping angel. Mommying are those moments in the dead of night when the only sounds to be heard are the snores of the hubby and the sweet soft gulps and sighs of that precious babe. Mommying is the hours of singing, rocking, bouncing, jiggling, shushing to get the little one to sleep. Mommying is crying because we are so overcome with love, afraid of our baby growing up, because the baby is crying, and crying simply because we need to. Mommying is desperately clinging to these precious moments of infancy yet wondering and wishing for the more independent years. Sometimes we feel we are doing a great job mommying, when we see those first smiles or hear those first coos. And there are times we feel like complete failures and have no idea what we are doing.
Motherhood is the most amazing, wonderfully exhausting, emotional roller coaster. It is filled with the highest highs and lowest lows. It is composed of thousands of moments that you wish would slow down and yet others that you wish would speed up. I feel so insanely blessed that I'm allowed to ride this roller coaster and my heart breaks for those who for whatever reason cannot. Being a mother has filled a hole within me that I never even knew existed. It has pushed me in ways I had never thought imaginable and filled me with love that I never knew existed. As always life has proven to me it is in fact truly crazy and gloriously beautiful.
